“Nasaktan ako. Nasasaktan ako at alam kong masasaktan parin ako dahil minahal kita pero umayaw ka at umasa ako ng sobra”

I was thinking of the best possible way that I could do and I end up seeing the only one option that I have and that is moving on. But before putting emphasis on leaving my feelings. I swear, what I feel now is super missing him. I end up crying and meditate on what to do, what have I done that made him walked away. It was very painful. I never thought that wonderful thing would end just like that and I regret losing him. I LOVE HIM BUT I HAD TO RESPECT HIS DECISION. I CAN”T BLAME HIM THOUGH.

Those things will never ever happen again and it will really take me time to move out of my emotions towards him. It really feels like the feeling of my heart, torn apart AGAIN but now it seems lie it was cut into pieces because the pain  multiplied in purpose. I can’t even bear seeing myself in the mirror every morning looking at my puffy eyes and every night when it is silent the tears just fall, running fast like its never gonna end, breath takes slow and fast and I push myself to sleep. The heartache never ends but I wish of losing it away because I need to. Tears will never bring him back. Still I can’t stop doing it all over again.

One wonderful thing that he has made me when I was in his arms was to give up all that I have and poured everything to him, I was so sure of what I felt and I was even the happiest, I smile when I see his name in my phone, I giggle when I know its him that I’ll be seeing and all the songs that I would hear, literally all I remember him. That was too much of my love and I was foolish believing that he has loved me back. That was the saddest part then, I never thought of ending what we’ve started and I can’t imagine myself surviving the days of my life without him.

I was eating my favorite food just this afternoon with all my might but my broken-heart ruin it all, I lose my appetite, I end up crying again and I get to stop and fast for food or anything. I wanna die and be reborn forgetting him.

Someday soon. . .

I will just laugh on this. I know I would and I want that very much soon. It’s better to laugh at it than to cry for the spoiled relationship that I had with that special man.

I wish to read this thing when I know I’m ready to read it again and erase it because I don’t feel it anymore.

There could be a lot to be with today but right this moment, all I want is him and him alone. I don’t know, I just want him that bad and no one ever wanted him like I really want him now. I miss him so much and the hell I care with what other people say about this stupidity, I just want him back but it will never happen. The sad truth.

Still, I’m moving forward, though its so hard, I’ll get there and I will realize how dumb I am today for obsessing someone like him. I will never pray for his realization. I pray for his life and his happiness.

I want to tell him this. . .

“DEAR, KUNG FEEL NIMU NA NAKA-MOVE ON NKA SAIYA AND MEDYO SAYO-SAYO PA, BALIK HAA? SURE NA BYA KOS AKONG FEELINGS SAIMU GYUD . IKAW NALANG KULANG SAKONG LOVESTORY. YOU CAN MAKE ME WHOLE AGAIN. BUT IF DILI NJUD KAI DILI NAJUD KA KAI KASUKAON NJUD KAS AKOA, SUKA LANG. OKAY RA JPUN. WISH YOU ALL THE BEST BUT I CAN’T GUARANTEE FRIENDSHIP. SAKIT NAMAN GUD UI. NAGSERYOSO MAN GUD KOG AU SAIMU. DILI NATO CHILL AKONG GPANGBUHAT. WAS I TO BLAME FOR EXPECTING FOR TRUE LOVE IN RETURN?  IKAW RJUD MAKATUBAG ANA, BUT I ALREADY FELT THE ANSWER WHEN YOU LEFT ME HANGING. DEAR SAKIT JUD KAAU AI, AMBOT GI-UNSA NAKO AKONG KAUGALINGUN PRA MA-ATTACH UG AU SAIMUHA.
SORRY KAAU KAI NAPASAKITAN TKA KUN MAO MAN GALING NA. EX ISSUES? DEAR WALA RA SIYA KA-1/8  SAAKONG FEELINGS PARA SAIMU PLEASE DO BELIEVE THAT. MAMATAY PA TANAN NIMU PADMATES HUHUHUHU. YAWA MAN NI OI…. BSTA I’LL DO MY BEST TO BE GOOD KAI MAO MAN AKONG NATUN-AN FROM YOU. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A LESSON TO ME. BUT SEE HALF-WAY SAATUNG PAG-ILA2, I REALLY CHANGED A LOT, I DID THOSE THINGS FOR YOU. BUT I GUESS I WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH JUD.
CGE NALANG AH. WLA NAMAN JUD KOI MABUHAT. SI LORD NALANG BAHALA NATUNG DUHA. I’LL PRAY FOR YOU CONSTANTLY.
ALLOW ME TO SAY THIS PUD. 

DILI NA AKONG EX AKONG I-MOVE ON KARUN, IKAW NA. ♥ ILOVEYOU JUD DEAR BAI. SWEAR TO GOD. SAMUK KAAU¡

 
PAKSHEET MANING KARUN  NA GATARUNG TA, DIDTU NA NOON AGKAHITABU ANG DILI MAAU. HAHAAAAiii.. 
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