HUWAG NA HUWAG BABASAHIN

1. Melanie Marquez, during her guesting at The Buzz: I have a film with Alec BALDWIN, and DIRECTOR by Romy Suzara…

(it’s BOVICK, Melanie, bigatin ka na pala at Hollywood star na ang co-star mo, and yes, it’s Supposed to be DIRECTED BY..)

2. Katya Santos, on the controversial Viva Hot Babes VCD: Eighteen year old ABOVE and PATAAS lang ang pwedeng makabili nitong VCD.

(So kung 17 below and pababa, hindi pwede, di ba?)

3. Heart Evangelista, reading a letter request at Myx: Dear Heart, I’d like to request the song blah blah… Of course, we will grant your request. You know, everything is possible… WITH GOD!

4. Boy Abunda, interviewing “Ssshhh…She Walks By Night” star Belinda Bright: Belinda, what is this movie about?
Belinda: It’s actually a Film Mwah!
Boy: Pardon me?
Belinda: A Film Mwah, we consider it a film, not a movie.
Boy: Ano ulit yun, iha?
Belinda: A Film.. mmm.. it’s an Art Film.

(Film Noir, Belinda, and to think you are Bright!)

5. eto pa, iniinterview ni Master Showman yung 98 degrees, tsk tsk.. nde na nahiya:
Kuya Germs: So what can you say about the Filipinas?
Someone from 98 degrees: Ah, they’re all pretty. Really lovely and kind.
Kuya Germs: Well, have you made love to a Filipina?

6. DESSA AFTER SINGING A SPOT NUMBER IN A REGINE VELASQUEZ CONCERT. DESSA APPARENTLY SANG A VERY VOCALLY CHALLENGING SONG
AND AS EXPECTED, ENDED iT WITH A THROAT BREAKING NOTE. REGINE ENTERS.
DESSA : O kala mo ikaw lang ang mataas ang boses.Kaya mo yun?
REGINE : Eh ano ngayon, maganda ka ba?

7. Kuya Germs: Salamat at pinaunlakan mo kami Juday. Dahil dyan, may ibibigay kami sa iyo courtesy of video city. Ito ay…aircon?! Aircon!
Juday: (luwal ang mga mata) Talaga?! Salamat po.
Kuya Germs: Ay…Con Air pala. Isang vhs tape ng Con Air.

8. Kris Aquino: i heard sa france based ang father mo ngayon?
Danilo Barrios: hindi po. sa paris.
Kris Aquino: so you’re a vegetarian?
Danilo Barrios: opo. kumakain din ako ng meat.

9. Vina Morales, announcing the winner/s of ASAP’s Clash Dance: It’s a tie-breaker!

10. Host: What is your favorite feature?
Calendar Girl: My favorite feature is my graduation feature!

(Todo explain pa siya na kesyo maganda daw siya dun kasi naka-makeup siya…)

11. Grand Finals ng She’s Got the Look dati sa Eat Bulaga:
Vic: Contestant Number —-, eto yung question mo: “What is your guiding principle in life?”
Contestant: Hmm.. guiding principle?
Vic: Oo, guiding principle, kumabaga motto, something na pinaniniwalaan mo.
Contestant: Hmm .. (halatang tensed na).. guiding principle.. my guiding principle is.. hmm.. ahh.. ahh..
Vic (grand finals kaya ayaw niya mamahiya): Para siyang motto.. like “Time is Go..” (sabay putol nung contestant)
Contestant: Ahh.. my guiding principle in life is “Time is Gold. Thank you!”

12. ito, nung Bb. Pilipinas host: how did you develop your love for horseback riding?
contestant: when I first went to Tagaytay, I ride a horse and the horse thrilled me!

(hmmmm… bakit parang iba meaning?)

13. Host: You’re doing well as a singer in clubs. What’s your next ambition?
Guest: Gusto ko pong magkaroon ng recording album!

(Recording na, album pa?)

14. Host: What don’t you like about (name of starlet) ba?
Guest: She’s too reactionary!
Host: What do you mean?
Guest: React siya ng react!

15. Host: “Ano ba ang pinaka-favorite mong movie lately, Melanie?”
Melanie Marquez: “Maganda yung kay Emma Thompson at Kate Winslet, yung “Simple and Simplicity”.

16. anyway, si melanie marquez pa rin habang iniinterview ni boy abunda:
boy: melanie, anung masasabi mo sa mga lumalabas na tsismis na hindi ka lang daw drug addict, drug pusher ka pa?
melanie: they are all liars! tingnan nyo nga ako, ang payat-payat ko, i am a model!

(tsk tsk.. mukha ka ngang high! )

17. angela velez announcing the famas winner..
Angela: And the Famas Goes through…
aleck bovic’s reaction sa mga di makapaniwala sa pagkabest actress nya..
aleck: di ko na po papansinin yung mga negatives puro positives na lang po..

18. host: ano sa mukha mo ang pinaka-asset mo?
mr. pogi contestant: sa tingin ko ang pinaka-asset ko sa mukha ko ay ugali! Mabait kasi ako!

(mwerk ano raw?!)

19. Inez Veneracion: “I am a one woman man!”

(hell, she’s a man! )

20. Inez Veneracion in TV Patrol interview: “Tapos binangga nya yung Vesta Ban (Besta Van) ko!”

21. letter sender: vj heart you are so charming and u are my favorite vj!
vj heart: also you are!

(what the hell?!! did she finish school?)

22. HOST : WHICH DO YOU PREFER: BLONDE OR DUMB?
GIRL : DUMB NA LANG AT LEAST HINDI AKO MAPAGKAKAMALANG BLONDE!

23. New Year’s presentation ng See True:
Ate Luds: O sige ano na ang inyong prediction para kay Stella Strada?
Madam Auring: Lalo siyang sisikat sa darating na taon at malalampasan niya ang kasikatan ni Alma Moreno!
Kinabukasan, HEADLINE: STELLA STRADA COMMITS SUICIDE!

24. JULLIE YAP DAZA GUESTING ON VILMA!
JULLIE: O Vi nag-guest na ko dito sa show. Ikaw,kailan ka naman mag-ge-guest sa show ko?
VILMA: Alam mo naman Tita Jullie, busy kami ni Ralph sa pag-a-arrange ng kasal namin. Siguro pagkatapos na lang ng marriage!

25. Joe Cantada: So Atoy, what are your prospects now,mukhang makakayanan kayo ng Toyota this coming semi-finals round…
Atoy Co: Well Joe, the ball is around!

(naghanap tuloy ng bola si Joe)

26. RITA GOMEZ AS A JUDGE IN A BB.PILIPINAS PAGEANT,ASKING A CANDIDATE A QUESTION DURING THE Q AND A (CANDIDATE
INCIDENTALLY IS MARIA ISABEL LOPEZ)
RITA: Here’s your question,hija: Are you still a virgin?
MARIA ISABEL: If I say I still am, can I bring home the crown tonight?
RITA: Good answer!
MARIA ISABEL: What about you Ma’am, are you still a virgin?
RITA: Hija I have 5 children with 5 different fathers,what do you call that, Immaculate Conception???

27. Ang ganda ng gospel number na yon,napaka-enlighting.Teka magpupunas lang ako, I’m sweatening.*VILMA SANTOS

28. HOST: What’s the latest in international show biz news?
Co-host: Whitney Houston has just signed a $100 M recording contract!
Host: Wow, that’s really huge. Do you think she deserves it?
Co-host: She does! After all, in the course of her career, Whitney has sold more than 140 albums!

(Huh?!)

29. Host: Do you see what I’m holding in my hand?
Co-host: What is it?
Host: It’s the new P10 coin.
Co-host: Hey, how about that? – what are its features?
Host: Well, it has Mabini or Andres Bonifacio on the cover.

(The coin has a cover?)

30. Host: Our next sports feature is unique. It’s about a new and funny kind of race.
Co-host: What’s new about it?
Host: It’s a race in which the racers are riding landmowers!

(What in the world is a landmower? – Oh, you mean lawnmower.)

31. Host: Your best friend is involved in a controversy right now. What do you want to tell him, to show your support?
Starlet: Pare, kaya mo ‘yan. At, pag kailangan mo ng tulong, anytime, alam mo naman, ‘andyan lang naman ako, I’ll just right by!

(Wheee!)

32. Host: What has happened to you after you came out with your accusations?
Guest: I have received death letters!

(What in the world are death letters?!)

33. Host: Now that you have answered your opponent’s charges, what happens now?
Guest: Now the ball is in the court!

(Huh?)

34. sexy star1: i’m half filipina, half spanish, and half chinese (ano yun 1 1/2 )

sexy star2: the show was very success!

tapos sa sharon. tinanong si Diane de la fuente,
sharon: nung nag-secret wedding kayo alam ba ng parents mo?

35. Tinanong one time si Angelika Jones kung ano role nya sa isang sitcom na gagawin nya sa channel 2.. sabi nya medyo kikay daw sya d2 pero nde naman Over O-A.

Si Candy Allyson naman pag tumalon naman daw sya sa San Juanico Bridge kailangan nya ng Life Best para safe.

Isang Viva HotBabe sabi nya proud daw sya kasi napasama sya sa 100 Sixtiest Woman!.

36. HOST: Why did you separate from your husband?
Guest: I realized that I did not really love him.
Host: Did you love him when you accepted his proposal for you to marry him?
Guest: Not also.
Host: So, why did you agree to marry him?
Guest: He pressurized me to do it!

(Ay, pressurized!)

37. Host: What did you have for breakfast today?
Guest: Tinapay.
Host: Ano’ng palaman ng tinapay?
Guest: Juice.

(Palaman, hindi panulak … sus.)

38. ito sobrang tagal na to. sa martin late at night. guest si vina morales.
martin: vina, ganda naman ng damit mo. ritratto?
vina: sige, pa-picture tayo!

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